By Michael Beck
Exceptional Leadership, Inc.
There's no question that people do business with people they like, and the key to having someone like you is to build rapport with them. But sometimes, that's easier said than done. One of the challenges building rapport is simply understanding what "rapport" really is.
Webster's Dictionary defines rapport as: "Relation characterized by harmony, conformity, accord, or affinity." Nice idea, but what does that really mean and how do you create that? Is it possible to meet a stranger and within a short period of time create a "relation characterized by harmony, conformity, accord, or affinity?" The answer is yes, but it often requires an intention to build rapport in order to achieve it.
It's true that sometimes we meet someone and almost immediately feel a "connection" with them. Not only do we feel that connection, but we do so without any effort. We have a natural connection. We are kindred spirits, of sorts. In other words, we naturally have a "relation characterized by harmony, conformity, accord, or affinity." We have created rapport without even thinking about it.
The secret to building rapport with others depends upon our understanding of social styles. It rests with our ability to know our own primary social style, with our ability to read the social styles of others, and with knowing how best to relate to each social style. Generally, we tend to relate best to people who share the same primary social style as our own. To become more masterful communicators and to enhance our success, it is critical to become competent in reading others and then delivering our message in a way that will be received best.
There are four social styles, and while I know of at least a dozen labeling systems, I call them A.C.E.S., which stands for Analytical, Commander, Expressive and Stabilizer. Allow me provide a brief overview of each style.
Analyticals are just that - very analytical. They seek perfection. They're organized, detail-minded, and somewhat idealistic. Analyticals can become easily depressed, and are often are moody and sarcastic.
Commanders are natural leaders. They seek control. They are high achievers, can be bold and assertive, and often very competitive. They also can be egocentric, headstrong, and short-tempered.
Expressives are "people people". They seek fun. They're animated, cheerful and enthusiastic. They also can be loud, overly talkative and undisciplined.
Stabilizers are relationship builders. They seek peace. You'll often see them as accommodating, considerate and easy-going. Stabilizers will avoid conflict, sometimes at any cost.
These brief descriptions should give you a sense of what each style is about, but by no means are they comprehensive. Each style has a full complement of strengths and weaknesses, and no one style is better than another. In addition, most of us have a primary style and a secondary style. Although we speak of just four styles, the combinations of traits within us are almost infinite and make us all complex. To truly master these principles requires a more comprehensive program than what this article can cover.
To learn more about The Art of Reading People, select this link.
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